Photos courtesy Paramount Pictures
From left, Michelangelo, Donatello, and Leonardo in a scene from "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"

There are some movies that defy any sort of critical examination.

A certain subsection of comic book and ultra-merchandized titles are written, filmed and marketed to only need the support of a reliable base of brand fans to make them profitable; barring profitability, they serve as an excuse to keep the franchise at the forefront of the conversation, even if that means spending millions on commercial saturation and hundreds of hours of executing fast-food tie-ins and other marketing efforts.